Does "true love" sometimes mean losing yourself?

What is your Self? Who are you? What makes you you? Name, nationality, sex, personality, history, etc?...

Who you are now, will not be who you are by the end of this sentence. Every second, you grow one second older, your cells die, your hair grows. Everything that you do will change you, even doing Nothing. You read an article that states an opinion on a subject that changes your opinion, did you not just lose a part of yourself? But you would have also gained something new.

The change that comes with true love will always be welcome, wanted. True love always means losing yourself. But it will also mean finding your Self.

When the Music Fades

Two men. One woman. She looks like a whore. It's getting violent. I don't think they're going to pay her.

Doo doo dee doo ba dee doo dee doo ba...

I hum the meaningless tune as I punch the first one. Right straight. Pow. Dad taught me how to punch. Damn, too strong, now my hand's stuck in his head. I push him off. There's a squelchy sound.

Doo doo dudu bee, squelch.

The second one finally realizes what he's up against and tries to run off, but the stupid bastard forgets that his pants are still around his ankles, and he trips. I grab his shoulders before he falls, spin him around. His penis is all shriveled up. Yeah, he's scared alright.

Mom taught me that when you knee someone in the balls, you don't aim for the balls. You go for the bastard's heart, and you get your knee there, through his crotch.

Doo deedee doo, crunch... Drip drip drip.

Hmph. Didn't get to the heart. I dropped the hunk of meat.

"You didn't have to kill them. Knock them around a little, then I take my money," the woman girl said as she searched the first body.

I was going to self-righteously reply that I did it because they were going to Rape Her, but the truth was, I just wasn't used to my new strength. But only for the first guy. The second, I don't know... the sight of him with his pants around his ankles, and his shriveled dick really annoyed me.

"Uh... Umm. Take care, good citizen!" I exclaimed as I shot up into the sky.

Doo deedly dee, whoosh!


Yeah. This is the best. Floating up here. Peaceful. The noise of the world is muted.

*Sniff* Damn. I have intestine on my jeans.

Irreplacable

He said, "I love you."

What does that even mean? Words, they're arbitrary, they have no inherent meaning in themselves. The different sounds made by air being pushed out of different mouth and tongue arrangements are understood as different words only because the meaning pinned to each sound is agreed on by everyone. But Love... that word, nobody knows what it means, nobody really agrees with everyone else. So don't say "I love you"! Because I don't know what it means.

He breathed in and the rise of his chest distracted me for a moment.

Damn, he's sexy. I think I could just listen to him talk, I could watch him breathe, all day...

I regained control.

How could he, say such a thing, he knows how I feel about words, how meaningless they are, what purpose does he think telling me that would serve? It's not like I don't already know how much he wants me, I'm not blind I can see the way he looks at me, but even if I were I would have felt his damned sexual aura permeating the air whenever he's close...

He breathed out.

"Wait. Let me finish. I wasn't done. You've probably already had two paragraphs worth of thoughts run through your head, hmm... You think too fast, sometimes..."

This guy, what is he? A vampire?

"No, you just have very expressive eyes... I was going to tell you what I mean when I say "I love you". And it's going to take awhile. I don't want to repeat the entire thing every time I want to tell you, and I'm going to want to tell you often, in every way, in everything I do. So, this is what love means to me ...."

***

I stopped to take a breath.

So what did he tell you? What did you do after that?Who's this guy? Does Mom know about him? What happened in the end? I want to know I want to know I want to know...

"You already know what he told me. The rest, I'll tell you next day."

Next day? Next day? What does that mean? Tomorrow? A day soon to come? What?!

Lost

"We're lost."

"No, no, we're not. We just don't know where we're going. I know exactly where we are, and I know how to get back to where we were."

"The definition of the word 'Lost' is: having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc. We do not know where we are going, we've left the correct path, so we are lost. "

"Ah? So we are lost according to your dictionary. According to me, we are NOT lost."

"You can't decide what words mean! The dictionary decides!"

"Someone wrote the dictionary. What set that person apart? Why is it that we all need to fall in line with the meanings that person attached to words? Why can't we free ourselves from such boundaries? The first step to change is to change your thinking, my friend, and you're still thinking in English."

Regret

Ali laughed as he soared through the air.

Then gravity reasserted its authority, and he hit the ground, rolling, then on his feet again, he ran.


"You ran here," Abu said as he sat up in bed.

"Ah, how'd you know? I'm not even breathing hard!"

"You've got that happy twinkle in your eyes," he smiled, "And also, I heard your 'woohooo!'even though your apartment is ten blocks away. Do you have to jump out the window every time? You're going to regret it one day, all that stress on your bones and what not."

He laughed, "Don't worry, I'm invincible, you know."

"You're crazy, that's what I know."


----------------------------------------------------------


"Pssssst. Pssssst! Come on, let's go!"

He wondered how Ali managed to shout AND whisper at the same time.

"What are you doing here? It's 5 in the morning!"

Hey... he could do it too after all.

"Let's go watch the sun rise."

Damn him and his twinkly eyes.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Abu coughed. Abu died.


-----------------------------------------------------------


"I... never told him how I felt."

Ali laughed as he soared through the air.




The End

Shadow

A stitch in time, for a tooth. Behind every man, flock together.

Fly

It's a bunch of meandering nonsense! Read it! And tell me if there's anything I need to edit, I wrote it while half-asleep, forgive me.


I felt the ant make its way across my chest. It was ticklish, but not unbearably so. At any other time, I would have crushed it, but not today. It was too hot, and I was too bored. So I watched it, as it made its way across my chest, and I wondered, does it know how close it came to death? Did it know that it was on a human being? So bored... So hot...


I felt wet air rush past my face. Then I broke out of the cloud, and the endless blue sky stretched out before me. Although the sun was strong and bright, it was still cold, up so high. The warmth of the Magic Flying Pork Bun under me helped. It was wonderful. Alone up here. The heat of the sun on my face, the warm smells of Pork Bun below me, and no troubles in sight.

Suddenly, it began to shrink.

"There's not enough room!" cried Kristy.
"Jared, you have to jump!" said Jeannette.

They were on the MFPB too, and it would not fit three. I jumped. And I flew.

Faster then the Pork Bun ever could. Faster than sound. Faster than light. So fast, that I couldn't even tell how fast I was going. I couldn't even tell if I was flying.

I wasn't. I wasn't flying. I fell.

The air was thick, like jelly, I kicked desperately, flapped my arms, it helped, but oh so slightly. And I kept falling. And a giant mouth, so full of giant teeth, opened beneath me. For a moment, so afraid. I could not push myself upwards anymore, but I still had some control, just enough, just enough to aim...


When I emerged from the blackness, I was in a prison cell. There were others with me, in the cage. We seemed to be underground, in some kind of cave or cavern, but it was well-lit, even though I could not spot any source of light.

The others were thin, weak, and sickly-looking. I limped to the one closest to me, there was a huge weight chained to one of my legs. I asked him where we were. Slowly, he looked up. His eyes, they were so empty.

"They can't help you. They won't help themselves, even."

I turned around to face the speaker. She was so small, the tips of her short, spiky hair would not even reach my chest. But she was so strong. And her eyes, they twinkled, they sparkled, they burned.

And she said, "Let's get out of here."

As we ran through the dark tunnels, she explained that this was not my world. This was a world... ruled by Indians! A dark world where all non-Indians were captured and enslaved. Then he was in front of us. The great dark overlord Ravindran.

I punched him. Or, more accurately, I tried to punch him. My fist never really got there, it seemed as though the whole universe suddenly decided to grab on to my elbow and pull me back. I gritted my teeth and fought forward, snarling... And then time stopped, and I heard her say:

"I said, let's get out of here."


She pulled me through a golden field. I saw a woman with the head of a lioness, her naked body covered in fur. I saw a young girl child bite into the neck of a man, his screams of pain and pleasure fading as She pulled me quickly past. She pulled me into a small, dark room, and I locked the door behind us. I reached out to pull her close, but as I touched her, she turned into nothing, mere smoke that drifted gently past me, leaving me alone, with only the memory of her scent in my mouth.

I opened the door of the janitor's closet and walked out into the school corridor. I was still in a daze as I walked to the canteen. Why didn't I get her number? Wait. I didn't even get her name...

Everyone is laughing. Why is everyone laughing? Oh yeah. It's because I'm naked. But why? It's not funny at all. So they stopped laughing.

I rolled my shoulders and stretched out my arms, reaching up to the ceiling. First my fingers touch it, then my palms press against it, soon my head reaches the top, and I have to bend my legs and crouch down to fit in the building. I push, and the roof comes off. Still I grow. I leave the ground and the tiny humans far behind me as I take a step out of the city, towards the sea. Another step and I've reached the water, but it is shallow, and I barely make a splash. Another step, I've walked off the planet.

I'm alone in the dark again. So cold. Then I see a small light. A tiny flame hanging in the void. I draw near, and cup my hands around it. It's not enough, and still I feel cold. It gets smaller, it's starting to fade. Frantically I grasp at it, and it disappears in my hand.

And then there was Nothing.

Fist to Heaven

" 'God will help us soon now, won't He?'

'You silly little thing. Don't you know that we must not settle what God is to do for us? We must have patience and wait His time.' "

-from The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann Wyss.

...

God has a plan. The Plan, you could call it. It's the Plan of the universe, of existence, it is all that has happened and is to come. The Creator has set everything into motion, He knows where it will go, and since He is God, it will go there.

They will say this is comforting. Knowing that your good God has a plan for you, do you not feel reassured? Do you not feel safe and secure? Your future will be what God has planned for you, no matter what.

That's right. It doesn't matter what you do, or who you are. God's plan for you WILL come to pass, because God's Plan will come to pass.

Yes, whoever you are, I assure you, believe these words. Even if you are a homeless refugee, even if you are an abused child, a victim of rape, a homosexual, a woman-trapped-in-a-man's-body, even a bastard child or an aborted fetus; no matter who you are, God's plan for you is at work.

Yes! Even if you die a pointless useless death and live a pointless useless life, be assured and be satisfied, for God's plan for you was fulfilled!

Oh and do not bother your little mind about the what-ifs and whys. It is absurd to consider these things, because faith in your God is all you need. You cannot see the big picture, no matter how hard you try, so patiently wait for Him to reveal it to you in His time.

...

Lame.

I raise my fist to heaven.

Alice in Wonderland: 3

Chasing white Bunny
Girl Alice finds Wonderland.
Taste pleasure, drink pain.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Down a deep dark Hole
Falling past Beasts with two backs.
Past too fast to touch.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When do cats eat bats?
Who gets high from eating pie?
Dreaming as she fell.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Accident

It roamed through the mess.
It moved without rest.
Not knowing how long it had roamed.
It knew all there is to be known.

Nothing beyond reach.
It would fit no niche.
An existence with no meaning.
There can be no such thing.

It raised the Phoenix from the ashes.
A babe suffers thirty-nine lashes.
He said "You are mine to barter."
She said "You are not my master."

It is perfect. Is it good?
Do not ignore its need for food.
It is complete. Is it whole?
Something solid does not have holes.

Questions without answers,
might put you in danger.
But how can you trust,
someone who's a stranger?

Holy Communion

He stands in front of her. Naked.

"This is my body."

He raises his arm. Bites deep. Eyes meet.

"This is my blood."

Hesitant still, she is.

"Come, taste and see that I am good."

.
.
.

She feeds. The light in his eyes fade. A weak whisper.

"Remember me."

Smile like you mean it.

OooOooOoo sma-aile like you mean it,
Oh cause then you'll really feel it,
Feel that sickening disgusting jooo-oy...
You know, it's imaginary
and chemical reactory
It's as real as bunnies flying in the bree-eeze...

And you get haiii-igh-igh-ighy....
Feel the rush of eating pie-eye-eye-eyey...


(Repeat over and over again forever and ever Amen.)

This is a song. If you don't know how to sing it you need to ask me how. But if you find a tune that fits, then...


OooOooOoo sma-aile like you mean it,
Oh cause then you'll really feel it,
Feel that sickening disgusting jooo-oy...
You know, it's imaginary
and chemical reactory
It's as real as bunnies flying in the bree-eeze...

And you get haiii-igh-igh-ighy....
Feel the rush of eating pie-eye-eye-eyey...

Pressure

This burning inside me. It demands to be free.
I fight it, push it down. It always comes back stronger,
should I set it upon the world, be rid of it?

No, I will not.
Finally, I understand, I accept, it is Mine.

The pressure boils upward, the pain is dreadful and exquisite.
Limits expand, I see the edge of the world.
How could I smother the fire again?