How narcissism made me inefficient.

Mom asked me to hang the clothes as she left for grandma's.

I took the clothes out from the washing machine. I walked by a mirror. "Woah," I thought to myself, I look so good~.

I started to hang the clothes. The mirror was right there in the same area, unfortunately, making me pause frequently to ogle myself, wondering why I look so exceptionally sexy~ this fine Merdeka! morning.

I finally realized that the sunburn I got from KG outing has become the beautiful~ tan it was always meant to be.

It took me really really long to finish hanging the clothes.

Generosity

When you see a need, fill that need.

I will always flow, please, never let me be stagnant.

I had a dream

That I drank some beer. Then I threw up, violently. I could taste the vomit in my mouth, it burned in my throat.

"Alcohol is for pickling things that are dead. Or people who wish to be."
"Beer is made from a grain that only cows can consume, and even they need two stomachs to manage the task."

Guru Patik says

"First we will open the Earth chakra, located at the base of the spine, it deals with survival, and is blocked by fear. What are you most afraid of? You must surrender your fears... let it flow down the creek.

Next is the Water chakra, which deals with pleasure, and is blocked by guilt. What do you blame yourself for? If you are to be a positive influence on the world, you have to forgive yourself. (It's located at the sexual organs)

Third is the Fire chakra, located in the stomach. This chakra deals with willpower, and is blocked by shame.

The fourth chakra is located in the heart, it deals with Love and is blocked by grief.

The fifth in the chain is located in the throat, it deals with Truth, and is blocked by lies. Especially the ones you tell yourself.

The sixth pool of energy is the Light chakra, located in the centre of the forehead. It deals with insight and is blocked by illusion. The greatest illusion in this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. Everything is connected.

The Thought chakra is located at the crown of the head. It deals with pure cosmic energy and is blocked by earthly attachments. Meditate on what attaches you to this world, now, let all of those attachments go and let them flow down the river, forgotten."

Simplicity

What, or how much you have, has NOTHING to do with how happy you are, how good your life is. There is always a choice, a way to change one's circumstances.

I wrote this on the Wall of Hope, in Monash University's 30 hour famine camp. It's incredibly easy this time somehow.

Simplicity. This is probably the easiest one for me.

Flexibility

"The extent to which a person can cope with changes in circumstances and think about problems and tasks in novel, creative ways"

To be adaptable, changeable, ready for anything. For body and mind to be fluid and moving... Flexibility is definitely a trait of Water.

Sexuality

How do we express our sexuality? What are expressions of sexuality? Is it the intention that matters?

"A look can be as sensual as touch, a finger brushed lightly over a cheek as erotic as penetration" - John White

Uncle Iroh says

"Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame."

"The stomach is the source of energy in your body, it is called the Sea of Chi... but in my case, it's more like a vast ocean! HAHAHAHAHAHA"

Openness

Openness involves active imagination, aesthetic sensitivity, attentiveness to inner feelings, preference for variety, and intellectual curiosity (Costa & McCrae, 1992).

For me, this trait also refers to being honest, without deceit or shame.

But before this, I've been ignoring the emotional aspect of openness, I think I've somehow shut down my feelings... I woke up at 3.45 a.m. this morning, crying, because I had a dream that I had a Big Dog and it died.

p.s. I'm going to get in touch with my feelings~

SelfControl

Only by knowing the Self, by awareness and balance, instead of suppression of desires, true mastery comes when the truth is realized, control itself is an illusion.

p.s. I am now vegetarian till after the 30 hour famine.

Patience

Persevere. There is only Calm. No rush, no haste. Anger and frustration have no place.

40 days Fast

Side note, I am quite annoyed by word replacement, for example, religion vs way of life, ritual vs practices, and I think you're wrong vs Yes this is what I believe but you have the right to believe whatever you want to believe and yes part of my belief is that I am right and my God is the one and only.

What's up with the tolerance/pussyfooting around all afraid of offending others? I hate being politically correct. Do words matter? A genuine smile is worth more to me than a false "Thank you"... "Fuck" said lovingly vs a rapist saying "let me make love to you"...

Language is annoying and I wonder if animals ever misunderstand each other. Okay side note is over.


I shall fast from BFH. <<< This is the main post.