Fly

It's a bunch of meandering nonsense! Read it! And tell me if there's anything I need to edit, I wrote it while half-asleep, forgive me.


I felt the ant make its way across my chest. It was ticklish, but not unbearably so. At any other time, I would have crushed it, but not today. It was too hot, and I was too bored. So I watched it, as it made its way across my chest, and I wondered, does it know how close it came to death? Did it know that it was on a human being? So bored... So hot...


I felt wet air rush past my face. Then I broke out of the cloud, and the endless blue sky stretched out before me. Although the sun was strong and bright, it was still cold, up so high. The warmth of the Magic Flying Pork Bun under me helped. It was wonderful. Alone up here. The heat of the sun on my face, the warm smells of Pork Bun below me, and no troubles in sight.

Suddenly, it began to shrink.

"There's not enough room!" cried Kristy.
"Jared, you have to jump!" said Jeannette.

They were on the MFPB too, and it would not fit three. I jumped. And I flew.

Faster then the Pork Bun ever could. Faster than sound. Faster than light. So fast, that I couldn't even tell how fast I was going. I couldn't even tell if I was flying.

I wasn't. I wasn't flying. I fell.

The air was thick, like jelly, I kicked desperately, flapped my arms, it helped, but oh so slightly. And I kept falling. And a giant mouth, so full of giant teeth, opened beneath me. For a moment, so afraid. I could not push myself upwards anymore, but I still had some control, just enough, just enough to aim...


When I emerged from the blackness, I was in a prison cell. There were others with me, in the cage. We seemed to be underground, in some kind of cave or cavern, but it was well-lit, even though I could not spot any source of light.

The others were thin, weak, and sickly-looking. I limped to the one closest to me, there was a huge weight chained to one of my legs. I asked him where we were. Slowly, he looked up. His eyes, they were so empty.

"They can't help you. They won't help themselves, even."

I turned around to face the speaker. She was so small, the tips of her short, spiky hair would not even reach my chest. But she was so strong. And her eyes, they twinkled, they sparkled, they burned.

And she said, "Let's get out of here."

As we ran through the dark tunnels, she explained that this was not my world. This was a world... ruled by Indians! A dark world where all non-Indians were captured and enslaved. Then he was in front of us. The great dark overlord Ravindran.

I punched him. Or, more accurately, I tried to punch him. My fist never really got there, it seemed as though the whole universe suddenly decided to grab on to my elbow and pull me back. I gritted my teeth and fought forward, snarling... And then time stopped, and I heard her say:

"I said, let's get out of here."


She pulled me through a golden field. I saw a woman with the head of a lioness, her naked body covered in fur. I saw a young girl child bite into the neck of a man, his screams of pain and pleasure fading as She pulled me quickly past. She pulled me into a small, dark room, and I locked the door behind us. I reached out to pull her close, but as I touched her, she turned into nothing, mere smoke that drifted gently past me, leaving me alone, with only the memory of her scent in my mouth.

I opened the door of the janitor's closet and walked out into the school corridor. I was still in a daze as I walked to the canteen. Why didn't I get her number? Wait. I didn't even get her name...

Everyone is laughing. Why is everyone laughing? Oh yeah. It's because I'm naked. But why? It's not funny at all. So they stopped laughing.

I rolled my shoulders and stretched out my arms, reaching up to the ceiling. First my fingers touch it, then my palms press against it, soon my head reaches the top, and I have to bend my legs and crouch down to fit in the building. I push, and the roof comes off. Still I grow. I leave the ground and the tiny humans far behind me as I take a step out of the city, towards the sea. Another step and I've reached the water, but it is shallow, and I barely make a splash. Another step, I've walked off the planet.

I'm alone in the dark again. So cold. Then I see a small light. A tiny flame hanging in the void. I draw near, and cup my hands around it. It's not enough, and still I feel cold. It gets smaller, it's starting to fade. Frantically I grasp at it, and it disappears in my hand.

And then there was Nothing.

What's wrong with me?

I sleep at 3 am, then wake up at 8 am. It's not enough, so the next day, I go to bed at 9 pm, and wake up at 4 am. I get bored, so I go back to sleep and get too much. So the next night I sleep at 3 am, then wake up at 8 am. It's not enough, so the next day, I go to bed at 9 pm, and wake up at 4 am. I get bored, so I go back to sleep and get too much. So the next night I sleep at 3 am, then wake up at 8 am. It's not enough, so the next day, I go to bed at 9 pm, and wake up at 4 am. I get bored, so I go back to sleep and get too much. So the next night I sleep at 3 am, then wake up at 8 am. It's not enough, so the next day, I go to bed at 9 pm, and wake up at 4 am. I get bored, so I go back to sleep and get too much. So the next night I sleep at 3 am, then wake up at 8 am. It's not enough, so the next day, I go to bed at 9 pm, and wake up at 4 am. I get bored, so I go back to sleep and get too much. So the next night I sleep at 3 am, then wake up at 8 am. It's not enough, so the next day, I go to bed at 9 pm, and wake up at 4 am. I get bored, so I go back to sleep and get too much. So the next night I sleep at 3 am, then wake up at 8 am.

Yeah, I'm updating for the sake of updating. This post shall meander pointlessly.

I just did 15 chin-ups in one go! Whooo I'm so awesome, I can do 15 chin-ups in one set. Try it! My mom is training the dog behind me, she's teaching it how to not eat until she says "Eat", so the dog just has to stare at the food, and not move till he's allowed to eat. It's delayed gratification. The idea that pleasurable things will be enjoyed more if satisfaction is postponed. When does food taste best? When you're hungry. Plain water feels like heaven in your throat after marching under a blazing sun. A simple piss can get you high if you hold it as long as you can, then hold it another 5 minutes, then let it go. Yesterday I acted in a short film. I had to say wedding vows over and over again. I won't forget it so quickly.. I shall write it from memory.

"I, William Tan Jian Yong, take thee, Sarah OooOOh Sarah! I like that name Lim Wei Shia, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. To love and to cherish, till death do us part. And with this ring, I thee wed."

And that's when I put the ring on Kristy's finger. It was too small. She had to oil her finger. There were other scenes... We had a pillow fight, and I chased her around the couch. Then got angry scenes too. One of them was the one in the car. Dixon was our stunt cameraman. He was in the back seat, and to get a shot of Kristy from the outside while the car was moving, he actually leaned his whole upper body out of the back window, and filmed Kristy gazing out the passenger window! So crazy! You know what else is crazy? Finishing expert mode in 53 minutes! Just Dixon and I. Expert mode=Easy mode. Normal mode=Race mode. Dixon's mod=Normal mode.

Dixon's mod: Tank has... A LOT of life. Feels like x5 of expert tank, which has become really easy to fight. Normal infected only die when headshotted. Horde is larger, comes more frequently. So does the tank, no tank limit per level... -.- Yeah it's fun.

Yesterday I played easy mode in Cybertime. FOR FREE! Hahaha Nina brought her 3 friends, Juliana, Rachel and Christina to play L4D, but somehow I got to play... It was so funny, and strangely, I was the only guy... But I was Zoey!

Ah and this is actually the only thing I was planning to blog about...

Opposite my house, in the park, there are a lot of affairs going on! Somebody come and take pictures!! I have no camera........

Oh yeah I look bad in photos, camera hates me. The End.

Speedos

I like swimming. I wear swimming trunks to swim. What's wrong with that?

Joshua Chang has the answer:

"Traditionally... Traditionally... girls are supposed to be beautiful, while men are supposed to be harsh and rugged. In pop culture (not traditionally) breasts are seen as something beautiful and worthy of display, so that bulge is fine. The bulge of the penis is as beautiful (or maybe even more beautiful) as the bulge of breasts, but men are not supposed to be beautiful. So speedos are a no-no."


I might have quoted him wrongly, I have memory problems. He actually said "traditionally" many more times.

Left 4 Dead Cravingsss

Today I had lunch with Kristy and some church people. I don't know why but Terry, Josh Chang and my sister suddenly started talking about Left 4 Dead... and it really made me feel like playing...So after lunch my sister, Fook and I went to play one Expert campaign. I wanted to call Terry because he would make it interesting, but Terry said he's "intimidated".

It's because we're really good, and he's scared we would run and leave him alone. We play too much, that's why. We play too much because whenever anyone talks about L4D I get an urge to play. But I wouldn't leave him! I would save him! Nobody gets left for dead when I play!


It tickles me when people talk about the witch...

"OooOOoo she's so scary..."

"Throw molotov then run!!"

"He arranged all of us.... then said 'ready ah... ready ah'..."


Yeah, we play too much.

[Witch moan]
[Witch moan]

Jared: Eh got witch!
Fook: No, don't, don't!

*Boom*
[Witch death]

Jared: Hahaha she's mine...
Fook: Dammit... eh next one mine la cmon.

PLANS for the holidays.

I'll be done with exams tomorrow! I always make Half-Baked Plans! =D

I'm going to learn yoga, be vegetarian, finish writing "Smile like you mean it", learn to speak elvish, swim everyday, go camping! and get a stranger's number.

WHOOO holidays!

Dear You

Someone asked me why it's always about me, why I always say 'I' this, and 'I' that.

One of the reasons is because my world revolves around me.

Everything we experience is perceived from our own individual point of view. Everything we do is out of self-interest. Anyone who gives another reason is lying. Of course many people don't realize it.

I'd like to think that this will be what makes you different: I won't say mine, or I, anymore.

Our world will revolve around us.

Love,

Me.

When I feel down...

I'll do 500 crunches...


...50 chin-ups...


...and run for an hour.



Then I'll watch Joe Jonas dance.

If you google "Jared Goon", you'll find this blog.

इफ यू गूगल जारेड जून, यू'ल फंड थिस ब्लॉग।

I hope this works.

Another List of (Stupid?) things I want to Do

1. Travel the world without planning
2. Milk a farm animal
3. (Try to) make friends with the person in the next toilet stall while having a shit
4. Play hide-and-seek in a mall
5. Hit on attached girls, especially those with violent, over-possessive boyfriends.
6. Name my son La
7. Join PDRM (Police DiRaja Malaysia)
8. Run barefoot through a forest
9. Ride a really really big bike
10. Freerun wearing a flasher-trenchcoat, and nothing else
11. Never have a girlfriend
12. Teach my dog how to talk
13. Learn Elvish
14. Do naughty stuff in public places
15. Make Molotov cocktails
16. Make a pipe-bomb too, just in case
17. Read the Bible in one go
18. Cook
19. Stealthily unhook bras of unsuspecting victims
20. Avoid taking a bath for as long as I can

I want to be a strong bow.

I'm not going to delete this blog. If I have kids, and I ever try to make them do something with "because I said so", this is the post that's going to stop me.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
and though they are with you they belong
not to you.
You may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your
dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to
make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with
yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as
living arrows are sent forth.


Kahlil Gibran

I lost my job today.

It was a 3 day job at a conference, paying RM100 per day. After two days, the booth I was working at decides to close down, because it wasn't doing very well. So I only made RM200 instead of the 300 I was supposed to.

The company's name is Insurance Service Malaysia. It was an IT conference. How did they expect to do?

The surprising thing is, I'm not unhappy at all! HAHAHAHA I must not like money as much as I thought. The job was SO BLODDY BORING. Really. I don't think I could do a boring job.

OK time to study. My exams start on Friday! =)

List of (Stupid?) things I want to Do.

1. Live in a cardboard box
2. Shoot a really really big gun
3. Run till I faint
4. Starve myself, then eat till I can't move
5. Walk on hot coals
6. Get my nose broken in a fight
7. Spend all winter having sex
8. Swim naked
9. Make too many babies
10. (Try to) catch fish with my bare hands
11. Rock climb with no gear
12. Jump off a bridge
13. Jump off a plane
14. Test my height limit for belly flops into water
15. Get addicted to something
16. Make a lot of money and give it all away
17. Build an igloo
18. Destroy a car with my hockey stick
19. Know everything
20. Break into someone's house and steal panties

Skype!

I have an account. Add me if you would like 5 hour conversations from midnight till the Islam dudes in the mosques start their morning singing! It's FREE! Skype is so bad for my health I tell you.

My id is jaredgoon

If you don't have an account you should get one now.

www.skype.com

HahaHa I love talking. Seriously, I'd talk about things I didn't care about at all, as long as the person I'm talking with cares about it.
I wanted to tag this post, and I have a label called "I think it's funny". So, I think this is funny!

...

"Jared, do you think I'm funny?"

"Sure. You're really funny, Elselyn."

"Thanks. I don't know why, but apparently some people don't think I'm funny! I used to think everyone thought I'm funny!"

"Oh my god! Who are these people? What kinda asses are they? They must have no sense of humor at all!"

I think Tolerance is overrated.

Increasingly people are crying out for Tolerance, for understanding and respect between different beliefs. As the world comes together, cultures collide, different religions and opposing worldviews are realized.

Toleransi: Kesanggupan bertolak ansur, sabar dan mengawal diri bagi mengelakkan berlakunya pertelingkahan dan perselisihan faham demi kesejahteraan hidup.

That's from the SPM moral textbook.

For you people who don't understand BM, Tolerance is defined as the willingness to give-and-take, be patient and control oneself to avoid arguments, fights and conflict for the goodness of life.

Tolerance is also defined as the capacity of an organism to live in unfavorable environmental conditions.

This is why I think it's overrated. Anything I have to tolerate, would be basically something I don't like, something I don't agree with. It would be something unfavorable. And you know what? I don't like that. I want to either completely accept something, or completely condemn it. No wishy-washy gray areas and hating something on the inside, but tolerating it. Never compromise, never accept anything less than a 100 per cent.

When I look at the definition of tolerance in Malaysian textbooks, I see that they're asking us to shut up, lie down, and give in... To avoid conflict. To avoid the fight. Even when you're forced to live with unfavorable conditions, for the goodness of life, practice Tolerance, please.

Are you going to tolerate that?

.
.
.

Why are you so afraid of conflict? Why do you keep telling yourself to respect and tolerate the differing views and opinions of others? Do you keep wondering and worrying if you're really right? You back down and tell yourself that you avoided a pointless fight, but deep down, are you satisfied? You tell yourself you are.

If you really want to know if you're right, Fight. The winner is always right.

My religion? I'm a Christian.

This post was going to be a long vehement argument against the phrase "Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship". I was going to define the word religion, and show that Christianity is indeed a religion no matter what the person at the pulpit or beside you may say.

I was going to go on and on, saying things like...

"They tell you to be not of the world, but they're preaching an understanding of religion that is of the world" and...

"Religion isn't just rituals. Religion isn't just rules. Religion isn't dry and musty. Religion is your beliefs, your worldview, your principles, your choice-making-system" and...

"Christianity isn't just a relationship, it's a religion! And your religion should be everything to you, because your religion is your life."

.
.
.

But yeah. I got lazy and so, you have these bunch of random thoughts.

If you actually want to know more, ask.

Fist to Heaven

" 'God will help us soon now, won't He?'

'You silly little thing. Don't you know that we must not settle what God is to do for us? We must have patience and wait His time.' "

-from The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann Wyss.

...

God has a plan. The Plan, you could call it. It's the Plan of the universe, of existence, it is all that has happened and is to come. The Creator has set everything into motion, He knows where it will go, and since He is God, it will go there.

They will say this is comforting. Knowing that your good God has a plan for you, do you not feel reassured? Do you not feel safe and secure? Your future will be what God has planned for you, no matter what.

That's right. It doesn't matter what you do, or who you are. God's plan for you WILL come to pass, because God's Plan will come to pass.

Yes, whoever you are, I assure you, believe these words. Even if you are a homeless refugee, even if you are an abused child, a victim of rape, a homosexual, a woman-trapped-in-a-man's-body, even a bastard child or an aborted fetus; no matter who you are, God's plan for you is at work.

Yes! Even if you die a pointless useless death and live a pointless useless life, be assured and be satisfied, for God's plan for you was fulfilled!

Oh and do not bother your little mind about the what-ifs and whys. It is absurd to consider these things, because faith in your God is all you need. You cannot see the big picture, no matter how hard you try, so patiently wait for Him to reveal it to you in His time.

...

Lame.

I raise my fist to heaven.

Dear wombmates

I've come to realize how much I love you both. In you I've found two of my closest friends, if only there was a fourth, we would have a complete Left4Dead team.

.
.
.

Me=Hunter, Abel=Smoker (You're so gangly), Jean=Witch, Fook=Tank, and that leaves Dixon=Boomer.

.
.
.

Maybe it's because I've been getting older.
Research consistently finds that older adults' life satisfaction is strongly correlated with the number and quality of their friendships. Siblings often form the strongest relationships, acting as confidants, caregivers, and cherished friends. Yeah, we're old souls, sister.


Love,

The sexiest one.

Dear Dad

I've been becoming more like you. People always said I was like you, but this is the first time I am saying it myself. I'm becoming more like you.

But I don't even know you, all I know is what others tell me.

I'm not the same as the person they tell me you were, not exactly. But what if I am the same as the person you really were?

"There is no good father, that's the rule. Don't lay the blame on men but on the bond of paternity, which is rotten. To beget children, nothing better; to have them, what iniquity! Had my father lived, he would have lain on me at full length and would have crushed me. As luck had it, he died young. Amidst Aeneas and his fellows who carry their Anchises on their backs, I move from shore to shore, alone and hating those invisible begetters who bestraddle their sons all their life long. I left behind me a young man who did not have time to be my father. Was it a good thing or bad? I don't know. But I readily subscribe to the verdict of an eminent psychoanalyst: I have no Superego."
- Jean-Paul Sartre.


Love,

Your Son.

Words

A picture paints a thousand words.

But a single word can create uncountable images.

Do you understand the true beauty of words? Words are arbitrary signs, containing the meaning they do simply because humans created them for the purpose of meaning.

Cat.

What is Cat? It is simply the letters A, C, and T, placed in a specific order. But when you see the word Cat, an image comes to your mind. What do you see?
The image in your mind, will not be the same as the one in mine.

.
.
.

Sex.